Useless Tidbits

[vorador]

This was borrowed from an acquaintance of mine.


If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

(Creepy. I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Do not try this at home.....maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.

(30 minutes...lucky pig...can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over
quantity!!!)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig???)

[[TLB-HC]paulp]

thanks vordor best laugh at work in a long time

[[TLB]Milito]

Good one Vor!

[RoF]

:sex: Next time i'll do it like a pig!

[[TLB]killer]

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

Must be nice.

[Pigdog]

Thanks for a good laugh vor.:rofl: Gotta love pigs.

[[TLB]Sinister]

What a bunch of baloney. Polar bears don't have hands!

[[TLB]Milito]

Hey Pigdog is that why you picked your name?

Do you go as long as a pig and as fast as a dog?

[Lt.Moser]

Milito']Hey Pigdog is that why you picked your name?

Do you go as long as a pig and as fast as a dog?
Doesnt that depend on how many pills of viagra he has taken?
How many do you reccomend for him Milito?

[Sgtpoe]

Sinister']What a bunch of baloney. Polar bears don't have hands!
i think if you strip the skin and muscles off bear they have the same skelatal layout as us humans the only difference is the skull,but sin i dont know what you look like so you may look the same as the bear.

good read there vor

i think i would rather be bear ive seen what they do to pigs on slaughter houses.

[[TLB]Milito]

[QUOTE='[TLB]Lt.Moser']Doesnt that depend on how many pills of viagra he has taken?
How many do you reccomend for him Milito?[/QUOTE

All of them...........

[Hodag]

LOL!!! TY man.

oh..."The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet. "
This is much better seen in person. Even better when that blond nurse didn't move fast enough. Damn I miss Detroit. Not.

[Pigdog]

I've been mainlining Viagara ever since it came out. So far I've still got the pig's stamina but age is killing the dog thing.:lol:

[gearjammer]

only a 30 minute orgasm? I'd love to get back down to that level. 1 hr is just too painfull. :)

[[TLB]Sinister]

Pfft. I'm with gear. 30 seconds ain't nothing. I'd say I average at least double that.

[Lt.Moser]

more useless crap!

Why It's Good
To Be a Man!

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You don't care if someone notices your new haircut.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "icky".

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

One mood, ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You can kill your own food.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
All in All...
It's GREAT Being a Man!!

[Lt.Moser]

Even more.


Redneck Rules of Etiquette


General

- Never take a beer to a job interview.
- Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
- It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
- If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
- Even if you're certain that you are included in the will,
it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.



Dining Out

- When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup,
and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine.
- If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with
your fingers covering the label.



Entertaining in your home

- A centerpiece for the table should never be anything pre-
pared by a taxidermist.
- Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how
good his manners are.



Personal Hygiene

- While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
- Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several
days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of
good money.
- Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no,
as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter
the taste of finger foods.



Dating (outside the family)

- Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
- Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the
bathroom wall two years ago."
- Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.
Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the
latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get
her to school on time.

[Lt.Moser]

And more

[[TLB-HC]Rev.Doobie]

i want one of those remotes...could come in handy!!!

[Ebony Skene]

Hodag']LOL!!! TY man.

oh..."The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet. "
This is much better seen in person. Even better when that blond nurse didn't move fast enough. Damn I miss Detroit. Not.
Ya, the housekeepers hate having to clean it off the ceiling in the CardioVascular Operating Room!

[Lt.Moser]

Why you should never say no to sex.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,1388123,00.html

[Pigdog]

Sounds like she had a real ball at the party. OUCH!!!

[Thor[BTY]]

:eek: :shocked:

The pain, the horror, the humiliation.....well at least he can play a guest role in "Sex and the city" :rofl: